Revolving doors... and never knowing the end..

Our front door often is a revolving door around here. Since mid May we have had people in and out. Starting with Robs family arriving mid may leaving end June, our family friends daughter from Belgium flew in from Japan for two weeks, and Robs Aunt and cousin came in to look at a college for a long weekend. I'm pretty sure our neighbors think we are crazy. I actually love having visitors. Since I know I won't be traveling anywhere with the whole family for awhile I love that people come to us. I love to have people join us in our crazy life and my children see the amazing blessing of family and community that love on us so well. One of my prayers for Little Lady M is that she can see a family that is full of love, laughter and Jesus. That our family has its struggles and mess ups but we rely on Gods grace, forgiveness and strength in every moment of the day. I am thankful that the people around us help display to her the same thing.

Its so crazy that we are in mid summer already. I feel like life is flashing by in a blink of an eye. We have had some great family moments. I love to watch Little Lady M experience new things so far this summer some of those are; swimming, fireworks (sparklers), splash parks, the beach/ocean, new friends, and so many more. She has adapted amazingly well. Its hard to even describe how amazing it has been. Nothing can truly describe watching someone experience something new and amazing. Watching her eyes light up and watching her trying to find words of excitement is just truly the best.  She is becoming such a funny, sweet, loving little girl that just fits our family. Don't get me wrong we still have moments that she is 3 years old, but overall she is just such a tenderhearted fun loving little girl. We don't know what even the next month holds let alone how long she will be with us so for the time being we will soak up her beautiful brown eyes, laughter and snuggles as much as we can.


Speaking of how long we will have her...
Probably the number one question I get when people meet our family and our foster kiddos is 'how long will you have them?'  and I think its the hardest to understand or explain. Truly we have no idea how long we will have each child. I would have put bets that Baby N would have been back home with his mama 2 months ago, yet here he is asleep in the bassinet next to my bed. I know so little about Little Lady M's case that I literally have no idea how long she will be here, it could be one more month or it could be 8 more months. I think that is one of the hardest parts about foster care, you have no date, no end, and it is what requires so much faith that the Lord has it all in His perfect hands. I think sometimes as parents we are just waiting for the next stage to hit with our children or that we feel like we can't wait for or wait to get out of,.... for our kids to walk, for them to be independent, for them to be out of the tantrum stage, for them to.... you finish the sentence. What foster care has done for me is to realize that I don't know how much longer I will get to hug and love on them so I need to take each day as my last.      
  Yes there are many days that I forget, days that I fail, days that I'm so glad are over, days that it takes so much to get through the minute, but I have been truly challenged that these days our numbered. Not only are they numbered with my foster kiddos, but they are numbered with my biological kiddos. One day I will look into the eyes and say goodbye as they leave my home. I don't want to miss it... miss their craziness... miss their silliness... miss their learning moments. I sometimes get to the end of the day and wonder if I even stopped to truly see them, be silly with them, read to them, snuggle them, pray over them. In our family, this family won't be here forever, at least this family of 7 won't be.. I won't get to see Little Lady M and Izzie coming down the stairs in their silliest dress up clothes giggling at each other, or coming into my living room watching Jake sing songs to baby N, or walking upstairs and seeing Allie reading books to the other 3. These are the beautiful moments. These are the moments I can't miss, because these are the moments that make my family and get me through the hard moments, the moments that I say to myself I can't do it, its too hard, my heart can't handle it. So no I don't know how long these precious children will be in our family and to be honest I think its best I don't because this way requires big faith, huge trust and always trying to see each day in its beauty cause it may be the last.