It only takes one to dream big.

I have always heard that in a lifetime all it takes is one person to make a change in another persons life. One person to believe in you, one person to say you can do it, one person to say no matter what I'll be here, one person to look past your faults and see your strengths, one person to dream big for them. One. For myself I can't even count the number of people I have in my life that do that for me, that in hard times tell me that I can do it, that pick me off the ground and stand beside me, walk with me, and love on me. Sadly people go through life with not one. One that supports and encourages what is truly best for them. When I look at baby N's mom I see a young girl who needs someone to believe in her, to not let what she is on paper define her, but to allow her a new start. Everyone has a time in life that they wish for a clean slate, a do over. I hope and pray that this can be her clean slate. New community. New friends. New job. New life. I'm just so nervous that her worker is not willing to look past her on paper and see who she is now, the person she longs to be. I have realized that I may need to be that person willing to fight for her. I am not naive in this, I know she could possibly be all talk, she could still make the wrong decision and I will be left in the end thinking what went wrong. OR. or she could make all the right choices to take this amazing opportunity of support and run with it. I am willing to take the chance. Foster care is about taking chances. Opening your heart for just the chance of change. I wish I could say that good change happens more than not, but I don't believe thats the case. Although I think that in this foster care journey if just one family is brought back together, if just one person walks away knowing that the Lord loves them above all else then it was all worth it. All the tears, pain, sleepless nights are worth it because if I was in their shoes I sure wish there would be someone willing to fight for me, for my children and for my family.

Its amazing to look back at life and realize why God put you in certain places. I don't believe in coincidence, but I don't think you always know a reason for something for years or even ever. I believe the Lord brought us to Wichita for a distinct purpose. Wichita was number 14 out of 15 on our list of places to go so needless to say we were less than excited to go. Silly me to question why. Wichita is the place where my eyes were opened to foster care, in the doors of the children's home. That place opened my eyes to the extreme brokenness that was happening in our back yards. On my first day of work I had to hold back tears as I sat at the breakfast table with probably 40 kids in the room. As I looked around I realized that each one of these kids had a traumatizing experience happen to them and were pulled from their family. They all had experienced something that I could never fathom and it broke my heart. Then while living in wichita Rob and I started attending and became  youth leaders at an inner-city church. This place was my heart. These kids were my heart. I looked at them and saw endless opportunities yet they themselves did not dream big for themselves. I loved each of them and prayed for so much more then they dreamed for themselves. Now as I look at baby N's mom I see those kids. I see endless opportunities. But with those endless opportunities I see two paths. One unfortunately is a lot wider then the other and that road leads to more bad choices and more people that don't truly care for them and then a smaller road, one that leads to true happiness, big dreams, and healing.

In just two weeks since I first met his mom she has attended church with me, opened her heart to me, told me her life story, laughed with me and my children, spent time just talking about life and kids, and texting daily about this beautiful boy that we love deeply. I can't fathom what this relationship will look in a year.  So today I will step out on a limb, I'll put my heart out there and I am going to dream big for her and baby N. I am going to plead with the Lord about redemption, forgiveness and true love. When all is said and done I may walk away with a broken heart and deep sadness, but I am willing to take that chance in hope that I will walk away with a family that has been reunited and is dreaming big for themselves. A family that can trust in the Lords forgiveness and can start over. Today is my turn to dream big, hopefully sooner than later I can pass the baton to his mom to dream big for herself and this amazing little boy that is sleeping on my chest. So heres to dreaming big.