on my heart.

"We were living with my brother on his ranch for the summer and as there were no young people around I had to occpy many evenings, so a good novel was my first resort. This particular time, it was an exciting on and I could not lay it down. I might say that I never read the modern sexy novel; these were just clean exciting love stories; but, like such, very often not really true to life. Life does contain moments of adventure, but they are interspersed with long periods of plain, unvarnished hard work. The real things of life are attained at these monotonous level periods, so to speak, more than they are at the high peaks of excitement. So that novel-readers who feed on the lurid and melodramatic are not prepared for the long stretches of routine work which fill every life. I believe this is partly responsible for the many broken marriages we have today. Young people think married life should be all moonlight and thrills and they baulk when they find themselves on the level stretches of plain, ordinary working together, which actually are the real life and backbone of a home." Isobel Kuhn

I am reading this great old book that one of my good friends and neighbors gave me for my birthday. It is an autobiography of a woman named Isobel Kuhn called By Searching. I have really enjoyed it and have to make myself stop reading it at times so I can soak it all in. This past passage I put up is something that has been on my heart a lot this last year and something Rob and I talk about all the time. What is funny is that this book was written back in 1957, but I find that it is so ever true right now in our culture. We have been surrounded by many couples who have ended in divorce already (6 in the past three years to be exact) and it breaks our heart EVERY time we hear of it. Not saying that all or any of them were because of this reason quoted above, but I do believe it has caused a lot of hard times in marriages. We are constantly bombarded with this "romanticised" view of marriage throughout TV, movies and books, that I feel many don't even realize the impact it has on how they view marriage. Marriage is shown as this time full of extravagent dates, no fighting, always physical, and if it doesn't work out just leave. It rarely shows the times of daily life, times of reality... busy schedules, unrealized expectiations, hard times, and miscommunication. Rob and I have been encouraged lately by some of the movies out there that have shown a more realistic view of marriage such as Marley and Me and surprisingly Couples Retreat, but shows that marriage is hard, and has its hard moments, but when you stick with it you learn so much more about yourself and grow so much more as a couple and giving up is not the easy road (although it looks that way at the time). The grass isn't always greener on the other side. I know I am only coming up on five years of being married and I am well aware that there are many difficult roads ahead, but this issue has been very heavy on my heart and Rob's heart since we have just been apart of so many failed young marriages. And as I read books, watch TV shows, and movies that bombard me with what my marriage 'should' look like to the world and how I 'should' feel I am encourged when I am brought back to reality. Brought back to the fact that we are all sinners, we all fail, we all struggle, relationships are not perfect and we can get through anything with the power of the Holy Spirit. I love my husband. I feel so incredibly blessed that God put us together, but that doesn't mean I don't struggle at times to serve him, love him, or get annoyed at little things. But its in those moments that are hard that I look to God to give me the strength and I succeed and I grow in my love towards him and I learn more about who I am as a person and wife. After realizing the "falsehood" of marriage that I am surrounded with daily I find that I am comforted by the simple things in my marriage. I love that one of my favorite times of day are when Rob and I lay in bed at night talking about our day, our struggles, or frustrations and can just sit in the quiet and appreciate eachothers closeness. No money was spent, no expectations were set just us two experiencing life together. How I treasure those moments. Not that I don't love the times we get a "date night" or Rob does something romantic for me, it is really the simple things in our marriage that I find comforting, that I feel his love for me. So as I sit with my college girls every monday I hope to show them not to jump into marriage lightly, thinking it is going to always be this romantic fun time, not to be jaded by what our culture makes marriage out to be, but that its hard. it takes work. selflessness. But it is ever so worth each tear. I am always encouraged to hear of the older couples around me that have gone through some of their worst times together, yet have come out stronger in the end and still love eachother through it all. I only hope and pray that 50 years from now Rob and I can look back and see God holding us in His hand through everything and we can honestly say that God is still our foundation and guide.

The challenge for myself after reading this chapter in the book is to be mindful about what I am putting in my mind. As silly as some of the shows or movies I watch or books I read I need to step back and make sure that I am not letting it effect how I feel about my own marriage. That I am not placing unrealistic expectations on myself or Rob. Ahh. How I love to be challenged cause it causes me to grow and change.