One year ago this weekend two very frightened twin girls entered our lives. It was a crazy day and a time that I did not feel like I could do more. I was 3 months pregnant, had just said goodbye to our first long term foster baby, was about to say goodbye to our foster daughter, was preparing for my eldest birthday party and got the call from a friend. A foster mama friend who needed someone to take a set of twin girls because she was taking their little brother. Everything in my body screamed no yet my heart screamed yes. I called Rob and he quickly said, "We have the room, how can we say no?" So yes it is. That was the beginning of their new chapter, of our new chapter. I wish I could say it was a perfect beginning, I wish I could say this yes was easy, I wish I could say I never doubted. But I can't. What I can tell you is Jesus is so good, He is perfect, and He is always our yes. He is the reflection I see when I look in their eyes, He is the love I seek to display, He is the grace I ask for daily.
The word that defines this past year is sanctifying. I always thought parenting was sanctifying but now I say foster care is. I never knew how horrible I was in my sin until I entered this pressure cooker. Jesus has heated me up past the point of boiling with the desire to get out the horribly ugly sin that festers in me... to refine me. Oh my goodness does it hurt, but I am so thankful to be refined. Before Rob and I entered this foster care journey we often were told "why mess a good thing that you have?" "you seem to be so comfortable?". It was true, we were comfortable and it did feel easy, but we were oh so unaware of the sin hidden beneath the surface, the impatience, anger, pride, self centeredness and even the love of comfort. Over this last year Rob and I have had to learn how to parent kids from hard places, to have patience on days you just want to scream, give grace to each other when we fail, pray over our marriage that it would stay firmly rooted in trials, and pray for joy. Joy to override fear, anger, frustration. Joy to win. Thankfully in my prayers I always knew Joy would win because His Word promises it. He doesn't promise He will call us to easy, He actually says quite the opposite, but I do know He pours out His Joy unconditionally through those trails. So today I look into two sets of beautiful brown eyes and I am seeing a glimmer of that light, that joy. The last 12 months have been full of hard days but in weeks like these I stop and look and see miraculous change. I see life behind eyes that used to be empty. I see joy in a smile that used to only contain fear. I see two girls who are beautifully and wonderfully made and are starting to know in their hearts that it is true.
Now we enter year two and the question I often here is what is going to happen to their future? What is going to happen when you move this summer? Most of you know we have sought to reunify all of the kiddos that have entered our doors. Unfortunately with these girls it hasn't worked that way. What I have learned in everything is that sometimes people can not give what they haven't received and that is the case for their mama. Rob and I continue to pray for healing for their mom and that she can know peace in heartache. For now we have told social services that we will step forward and adopt the girls if termination of rights happen. At this point we are in a waiting pattern. Waiting for the termination of rights hearing to happen. We are guessing it will be scheduled for March or April. If termination of rights happens we will be setting an adoption hearing as soon as possible to rush everything before our move date of July 1st. So what does this next year look like? We don't know for sure. What we do know is that we continue to step forward in faith saying yes, yes even in our fears, yes even in our doubt and yes knowing a beautiful thing will happen. Thankfully in stepping in faith He has shown up in granting His peace. Although I have had many nights of tears fearing what the future holds He continues to lean down pour out His grace and remind me that He is there and overwhelming peace floods me. Shockingly now we just wait. We take each day as it comes and wait for the trial. For now we breathe in the excitement of Christmas in 6 beautiful children that surround me. As I climb in each one of their beds at night and breathe them in as their sweet 3 year old voices pray and thank Jesus for another day, I can't help but cry over them saying no Thank you Jesus for this day, this day to learn more how to depend on You when I certainly can not do it myself, to get the chance to raise these beautiful children you have given me. I ask you to pray. Pray that the Lord continues to show up in this case, that hearts can be healed and that wisdom is given. Adoption can be a beautiful thing, but it is also heartbreaking thinking of families that have been broken. The next 6 months will determine the future of these two beautiful girls and our family and I'm thankful for so many who continue to pray over it.
Here's to one year with our girls and how exciting it is to think what year two will hold....
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